In dealing with new and growing businesses I’ve found that Business Support agencies often “forget” to mention how critical a strategy for driving conversions online can be, particularly if the business is trading online.

Businesses need ongoing support for ensuring the buying journey is tight online, the site is optimised for search listings, the conversion rates are analysed and tuned, any paid for marketing is managed in line with that businesses strategy, and the passion is shared across social networks.

This is where a bit of knowledge goes a long way. It should be considered in terms of return on investment for any business across a 6 to 12 month timeframe.

I am hoping to deliver workshops possibly as part of a wider conference and will let you know details as soon as they’re confirmed.

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
Chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with
colleagues, via the Internet,
which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas
cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So
we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at
which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul
gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how
many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that
exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these
religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can
project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rate s as they are,
we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we
look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states
that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the
volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until

all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls
in Hell,
then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman
year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take
into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must
be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen
over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct……leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine
being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+

The winter newsletter from Calm is here, find about all about what we’ve been involved in over the last 3 months. Highlights include:

Never a dull day in the North East

With the launch of the revamped events-led website for visitTeesvalley and the bid website for Durham City of Culture, residents from in and around the region have absolutely no excuse to sit at home and twiddle their thumbs… more

Glue: A multi sensory art & design event to inspire, influence and involve
Sunday 8th November | 5pm ’til 1am Uncle Alberts (opposite the Railway Station), Middlesbrough… more

Introducing the new Face of Tees Valley
Over the past two months, visitTeesvalley has searched for two energetic Challengers ready to indulge in all Tees Valley has to offer, become ambassadors for the area and stand a chance of winning £1000 and the accolade of becoming the Face of Tees Valley….more

Advent Calendar Online
Another Calm Christmas is fast approaching, which means exciting times for Calm as Santa’s little helpers prepare to personalise an Advent Calendar Online for a number of clients not just in the UK but as far away as Australia and Dubai…. more

Daniel and Danielle
Although it isn’t mandatory for your name to be a derivative of Daniel to work at Calm, it must certainly help… more

Calm’s quest for SEO perfection
The majority of people think of (SEO) Search Engine Optimisation as an art to improve their search engine rankings, being a time studied profession that without putting a great deal of time and effort into it should be left to the techies. Wrong! more

Final Thoughts
We’d like to say a big thank you for reading our quarterly newsletter – we hope it you’ll be able to make use of some of the information. As always feel free to contact us: www.calmasylum.com – www.calmdigital.com – @calm_asylum – @adventonline

Something interesting happened today at Calm. We were able to  practice what we preach about how brands should use social networks to engage with not only their friends, but their critics as well. Social networking via Twitter etc,  is all about engaging in conversations, both positive and negative, that the wider network is having about you and your work. This can’t be a bad thing and it can only improve performance all round.

We posted a link to a 3 year old website of an e-commerce client in the interest of goodwill to help drive traffic to the site. Unbeknown to me, the site owner had recently uploaded some images of new stock, but put a £0.00 amount against them.

The comments that this invited ranged from constructive advice to very harsh criticism of the developer. (One kindly Twitizen mentioned that this was a tad “ungentlemanly” of said critic). Some said it made the site look broken, and others said that we should have validated amount field so it doesn’t allow a £0 against a product. I have put solutions to these issues to the client and will see whether we can take this forward. The comments, although hard to hear,  will (we hope) serve to make the user experience a lot smoother and ultimately increase sales through the site.

If brands are given a chance to explain their position and are humble enough to acknowledge where they can improve, clients will benefit from a better result. Who wants a brand that thinks it already knows everything and there is nothing left to be learned?

Calm recently recieved a surprising email from a company who are in our network showcasing their latest product – a seat shaped like a set of teeth! The company responsible is Sculpture Studios.